Koon-ut-la

The koon-ut-la is a betrothal ceremony on, usually performed between two young Vulcans in their seventh year. The betrothal is performed by a Vulcan high priestess who joins the minds of the male and female. The telepathic link is intended, when they have reached sexual maturity, to drive the couple to plak-tow, or blood fever, and to completion of the Bonding and sexual consummation of the marriage during the Koon-ut-kal-if-fee. The betrothal ceremony is attended by family and friends of the betrothed couple and is followed by a banquet and ritual music and dancing. Females are prominent during the ritual ceremony. (TOS novel: “Dwellers in the Crucible”)

The betrothed couple are often not well acquainted with one another before or after the betrothal ceremony. (ENT episode: “Breaking the Ice”, TOS episode: “Amok Time”)

A betrothal ceremony between children usually, but not always, results in a successful marriage as adults. A bonding ceremony, which is recognized as an official marriage, between adults Is also sometimes separate and held before pon farr, or the time of mating. It is customary for the male and female to live together for one year following the ceremony, perhaps to deepen the telepathic bond between the married Vulcan couple prior to pon farr. Vulcans reach legal adulthood before they reach sexual maturity and some betrothed couples choose to complete their bond and live together when they are legal adults, years before pon farr. (ENT episode: “Breaking the Ice”, TOS novel: “The Vulcan Academy Murders”) However, some Vulcans may choose to engage in emotional or sexual relationships with people other than their betrothed mates in the years before they take part in an official marriage ceremony. ( Star Trek: Voyager episode: “Gravity”, TOS episode: “Amok Time”, TOS novel: “Vulcan's Glory”)

An adult male who delays in formalizing the relationship with his betrothed when they reach legal adulthood may be required to pay her family a bride price each month until he is ready to assume his responsibilities towards her. The male rather than the female is required to pay the bride price, based upon his ability to pay, as he is the one considered fortunate to gain a life mate. ( TOS novel: “Vulcan's Glory”) The betrothal may also be broken by the parents of the male if his betrothed delays the marriage ceremony or refuses to follow Vulcan tradition in other ways. Neither the betrothed man or woman need to be consulted in such an instance. (ENT episode: “Breaking the Ice”) Betrothals also can fail in other ways. For example, Spock was betrothed to T'Pring when they were children, but their union was severed when T'Pring called for a challenge rather than agreeing to marry Spock at their koon-ut-kal-if-fee. (TOS episode: “Amok Time”) T'Pol and Koss were betrothed as children and later married as adults, but Koss later had the marriage annulled. (ENT episodes: “Breaking the Ice”,  “Home”, “The Forge”, ”Kir'Shara”, “Babel One”) T’Pol was romantically involved and had formed a telepathic mating bond with the human Trip Tucker before her coerced marriage ceremony with Koss. (ENT episodes: “Home”, “Bound”)

The betrothal is traditionally arranged by the parents or extended family of the young male and female when they are children, but there are always exceptions. Sarek arranged a betrothal for his adult son Spock and his ward, Saavik, when both were adults. Some Vulcans choose to leave their children unbonded and allow them to seek their own bond mates as adults, based on mutual affinity. 

It is traditional for the girl’s uncle or another male relative to perform the role of pele-ut-la, or chaperone, prior to the betrothal ceremony. Spock assumed this role for his young relative Teska prior to her koon-ut-la ceremony. It is also traditional for the female to eat tono-pak  berries every hour until the betrothal ceremony, as a symbol of the end of her childhood and coming womanhood. T'Pau wrote a meditation on the sensations and theories about pon farr which was considered appropriate for young females to read prior to their betrothal ceremonies. (TOS novel: “Mind Meld”) Following her betrothal ceremony, a Vulcan female was traditionally forbidden to touch a male family member except under ritual circumstances. It was also against custom for a Vulcan man to embrace a woman who was bonded to another man. (TOS novel: “The Vulcan Academy Murders”)