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Satisfaction Is Not Guaranteed is a Star Trek: Deep Space Nine novella by Keith R.A. DeCandido. It was published in 2005 in Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume 3.

Description[]

From The Back Cover:
FERENGINAR: Quark's profit-driven homeworld is rocked with scandal as shocking allegations involving his brother's first wife, the mother of Nog, threaten to overthrow Rom as Grand Nagus of the Ferengi Alliance. Making matters worse, Quark has been recruited by Rom's political adversaries to join their coup d'etat, with guarantees of all Quark ever dreamed if the succeed in taking his brother down. While Ferenginar's future teeters on the edge, the pregnancy of Rom's current wife, Leeta, takes a difficult turn for both mother and child.

Summary[]

Quark is contracted by Chek, CEO of Chek Pharmaceuticals, to host a secret meeting for some of Ferenginar’s wealthiest men. They want to oust Rom and restore the old Ferenginar, and they want Quark’s help to do it. The bartender-turned-ambassador is torn between self-interest, family connections, and a deep nostalgia for the glory days of greed. He decides to visit Ferenginar to see the situation firsthand, inviting Ro and Nog along as well.

Rom is overwhelmed by running the government, instituting mass social reforms, facing the cutthroat Congress of Economic Advisors, and dealing with Leeta’s hospitalization due to her difficult interspecies pregnancy. His First Clerk, Krax (son of Zek), and Ishka (who temporarily leaves Zek and retirement) help him run the government. Congressman Liph is fired for stealing government funds and investing them poorly, paving the way for Brunt’s appointment to the Congress over Rom’s objections. Brunt presents evidence that Rom is in breach of a Ferengi contract, claiming that Rom signed an indefinite extension of his first marriage contract (to Prinadora, Nog’s mother) and that Rom’s abandonment of a “dutiful Ferengi wife” in favor of an alien woman and a “half-breed” child should result in his removal as nagus. Rom is too distracted by Leeta’s poor health to dispute Brunt’s claims, leaving Quark, Nog, and Ro to deal with the crisis. Ro finds Ferenginar’s weather and culture distasteful.

Gaila brings Zek back to Ferenginar and coerces him into publicly denouncing Rom. Nog is spurred to reconnect with his mother, but is disappointed to find her a simpleton raised in “traditional Ferengi values.” Ro and Nog are unable to prove the contract as a fake through conventional means, but Ro does find evidence that Investigator Rwogo (hired by Brunt to investigate the matter) was likely bribed with large shares of stock in Chek Pharmaceuticals. That company is heavily promoting Brunt for nagus and Eelwasser Soda over competitors Rom and Slug-o-Cola (CEO Nilva is also on the Congress). Their only option is to compare Brunt’s copy of the contract with its official copy filed in the Glat Archive, the final word in the sanctity of all Ferengi contracts. However, only two people can access the Archive and it takes months to get a response. Quark hires Eliminator Leck to break into the Archive, a fortress hidden within a highly toxic swamp and employing state-of-the-art security. Using a high-tech protective bog suit and an Orion codebreaker, Leck breaks into the Archive and steals an official copy of the contract, proving Brunt’s copy to be a forgery. Ro and Nog link Brunt, Rwogo, Dav (Prinadora’s father), and Chek to Gash, the prolific forger who created the false contract. Quark confronts Rom about his failure to denounce the fake contract, and Rom reveals that he didn’t read the contract before signing it. He’d been beaten down by Keldar, Quark, and all of Ferengi society his whole life, and only started to make his own decisions because of Leeta. She’s more important to him than anything else, and he refuses to leave her side until she awakens from her coma. Quark calls him an idiot for abandoning all of the social reforms he’s built in favor of a female.

The Congress agrees to hear Quark’s evidence before voting on Rom’s removal (Rom himself is absent). He presents the official copy of the contract, proving that its limited term has expired, reveals the conspiracy between Dav, Chek, and Brunt, and even has Gash confess his forgery. Ro takes it a step further, citing the 17th Rule of Acquisition that “a contract is a contract is a contract—but only between Ferengi.” No one has presented Rom and Leeta’s marriage contract as evidence of his breach of the first contract, and even if they had, it’s not a Ferengi contract and therefore not recognized. As Brunt makes a final impassioned speech, Rom arrives with his own speech—championing the new ways, promising profit for all, and leading their people away from their poor (yet deserved) caricature. He reminds everyone that the Alpha Quadrant nearly fell to the Dominion because the various powers were divided, and those who stood with the Dominion now lie in ruin. For Ferenginar to survive, it must become an important contributing member of the galactic community. Rom retains the nagushood and shares the news that Leeta and their newborn daughter are healthy. They name the baby Bena, after the Emissary, though the word means “underflooring” in the Ferengi language.

Brunt is ousted from the Congress and stripped of all power and wealth, though he does win ten bars of latinum in the baby raffle, correctly guessing the sex, date, and time of Bena’s birth. With no other options, he agrees to a partnership with Gaila offworld. Chek and Eelwasser suffer huge financial losses for their involvement in forging a Ferengi contract. Quark realizes that Krax helped to engineer the plot against Rom, but Krax claims he did it to solidify Rom’s power. He discovered the plot already underway and forced the conspirators to act before they could build support and a stable foundation, thus enabling all of them to be discredited in one move. Quark keeps Krax’s secret but promises to collect on this debt one day. Zek and Ishka return to their retirement, though Ishka brings Prinadora along as her personal assistant, promising to educate and “retrain” her.

Back on the station, Ro questions Quark’s values and practices and admits to her total disgust with Ferengi culture. She compliments Quark as the embodiment of the modern Ferenginar, earning profit without generally hurting others (much), but she also calls out his lasciviousness and constant scheming. She ends their romantic relationship, agreeing to remain friends but vowing to hold him accountable for any illegalities she discovers.

References[]

Characters[]

Azeni KorenaJulian BashirBenaBinduBroikBruntChekDavEzri DaxFalFallert KonFroolGailaGashGelnHelkHetikIshkaJoqKainKira NerysKraxLeckLeetaLiphMaihar'duNikNilvaNogNurt (Ferengi)OrpaxPrinadoraQuarkRo LarenRomJake SiskoSimon TarsesTreirElias VaughnVolZekZoid
Referenced only
Thirishar ch'ThaneChu'lakJadzia DaxVic FontaineFramGallekGintGlatGrilkaHagathKeldarFallit KotNatima LangMalicMartok, son of UrthogWillie MaysMornM'PellaKeiko O'BrienMiles O'BrienOdoPembletonQuoopRetayaRionojRwogoSenkowskyBenjamin SiskoJoseph SiskoSmeet the ObliviousPrynn TenmeiTorfWorf, son of MoghKasidy Yates

Locations[]

AndorAR-558BadlandsBajorBalancarDahkur ProvinceDeep Space 9/Terok NorEarthFallert'sFerenginarFram Memorial SpaceportGeln's Tongo ParlorGlat ArchiveGleb JungleGreat MarketplaceGrisellan systemKopeMayak SwampMizarMuseum of Plundered ArtNagal ResidenceQuark'sRisaSherman's PlanetSidauSisko's Creole KitchenTower of CommerceTrillVolon VIZalp Building
Referenced only
Verdimass

Starships and vehicles[]

aircarUSS Defiant (I)USS Defiant (II)Even OddsFortraUSS Valiant

Races and cultures[]

BajoranBolianBorgBoslicDeltanFerengiGallamiteGrisellanHumanHupyrianKlingonKobheerianLissepianLurianMinosianNausicaanOrionPetrawProphetsRisanSulamidTellariteVulcanYridian

States and organizations[]

Bajoran MilitiaChek PharmaceuticalsDepruu Grub Emporiumdom-jotDominionDoremil DrugsEconomic Congress of Advisors of the Ferengi AllianceFerengi AllianceFerengi Commerce AuthorityFerengi Commercial NewsJanx OuterwearLakwa ClothiersNoh-Jay ConsortiumOrion SyndicateSorv Spacesuits 'N' ThingsStarfleetStarfleet IntelligenceTal ShiarUnited Federation of Planets

Other references[]

Aldebaran whiskeyamraasnor fishAttainment ceremonybaseballbaseball cardBlessed Exchequerbog suitCajundabodabo boydabo girlDivine Treasurydom-jotDominion WarDorek SyndromeduraniumEelwasserEliminatorEmissary of the Prophetsenergy whipFerengi languageFerengi Rules of Acquisitionfrimja dustfripperingfungus fizzglebbeninggoldGrand Nagus of the Ferengi AllianceGrand Nagus Campaigngree wormsGrisellan parchmentGrisellan totem iconhasperatHrabotnik periodHupyrian beetle snuffjumja stickkanarkavalatinummelneringMinosian rifleMizarian nuggetOccupation of Bajoroo-moxoolmeringOrion CodebreakerorvatsPresident of the Economic Congress of AdvisorsPrime Bankprune juicequadrotriticalerilaj lotionrok-jewelseola gemSlug-o-Colasnail juiceSpican flame gemsSporakspore piesynthalesyrup of squillswamp eelTarkalian teaTholian silktongotooth sharpenerTzartak aperitifVault of Eternal DestitutionvinklingWaivers of Property and Profitwineyamok sauceyorra beads

Appendices[]

Background[]

  • This is the first of two stories in Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Volume Three and was written by Keith R.A. DeCandido. The second story contained in this book is The Dominion: Olympus Descending.
  • This story establishes five new Rules of Acquisition:
    • 20. He who dives under the table today lives to profit tomorrow.
    • 25. You pay for it, it's your idea.
    • 88. It ain't over 'til it's over.
    • 200. A Ferengi chooses no side but his own.
    • 280. If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
  • A businessman named Fram bought the rights to the concept of a latinum receptacle (used in great quantities across the Ferengi Alliance) for a pittance, then patented the device and made a fortune. He later used that fortune to build the Fram Spaceport, the largest on the planet, bringing in even more revenue.
  • The Ferengi earing-necklace combination is known as a neckframe.
  • Leeta grew up a servant girl in the home of a Cardassian man named Gallek. As she grew older, he was attracted to her but never touched her. She used his infatuation to influence him to treat all of his servants better. He died shortly before the end of the occupation.

Connections[]

Star Trek: Deep Space Nine relaunch publications and stories
Novels A Stitch in TimeAvatar, Book One‎Avatar, Book TwoAbyssDemons of Air and DarknessTwilightThis Gray SpiritCathedralLesser EvilRising SonThe Left Hand of Destiny, Book OneThe Left Hand of Destiny, Book TwoUnity • "Cardassia: The Lotus Flower" • "Andor: Paradigm" • "Trill: Unjoined" • "Bajor: Fragments and Omens" • "Ferenginar: Satisfaction is Not Guaranteed" • "The Dominion: Olympus Descending" • WarpathFearful SymmetryThe Soul KeyThe Never-Ending SacrificeThe MissingSacraments of FireAscendanceForce and MotionThe Long MirageEnigma TalesOriginal Sin
Miniseries and anthologies The Lives of DaxDivided We FallMission GammaWorlds of Deep Space Nine (Volume One, Two & Three)
Short stories and novellas "Horn and Ivory" • "The Officers' Club" • Lust's Latinum Lost (and Found)Rules of AccusationI, The Constable
Comics N-Vector • "Crossfire" • "No Quarter" • "All Fall Down" • "United We Stand"
Omnibuses Twist of FaithThese Haunted Seas
Related Star Trek: Section 31Star Trek: Terok NorStar Trek: DestinyStar Trek: Typhon PactStar Trek: The FallStar Trek: Coda
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine collected short stories, novellas and short novels
The Lives of Dax "Second Star to the Right..." • "First Steps" • "Dead Man's Hand" • "Old Souls" • "Sins of the Mother" • "Infinity" • "Allegro Ouroboros in D Minor" • "The Music Between the Notes" • "Reflections" • "... and straight on 'til morning"
Prophecy and Change "Revisited" • "Ha'mara" • "The Orb of Opportunity" • "Broken Oaths" • "... Loved I Not Honor More" • "Three Sides to Every Story" • "The Devil You Know" • "Foundlings" • "Chiaroscuro" • "Face Value" • "The Calling"
Worlds of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine Volume One ("Cardassia: The Lotus Flower" • "Andor: Paradigm") • Volume Two ("Trill: Unjoined" • "Bajor: Fragments and Omens") • Volume Three ("Ferenginar: Satisfaction is Not Guaranteed" • "The Dominion: Olympus Descending")
Strange New Worlds I ("Life's Lessons" • "Where I Fell Before My Enemy") • II ("Research" • "Change of Heart") • III ("Ninety-three Hours" • "Dorian's Diary" • "The Bottom Line" • "The Best Defense..." • "An Errant Breeze") • IV ("Captain Proton and the Orb of Bajor" • "Isolation Ward 4") • V ("Fear, Itself") • VI ("Fabrications" • "Urgent Matter" • "Best Tools Available") • VII ("Infinite Bureaucracy" • "Barclay Program Nine") • 8 ("Trek" • "Gumbo" • "Promises Made" • "Always a Price") • 9 ("Shadowed Allies" • "Living on the Edge of Existence" • "The Last Tree on Ferenginar: A Ferengi Fable From the Future" • "The Tribbles' Pagh") • 10 ("So a Horse Walks into a Bar..." • "Signal to Noise") • 2016 ("The Façade of Fate" • "The Manhunt Pool" • "The Dreamer and the Dream")
Star Trek: Explorer "A Night In" • "By Special Request" • "The Mission" • "Things Can Only Get Better" • "Frontier Medicine" • "The Victim" • "You Can't Buy Fate" • "Lost and Founder" • "A Year to the Day I Saw Myself Die" • "Academy Acquisition"
Misc. short stories "The Badlands, Part IV" • "The Second Artifact" • "Mirror Eyes" • "Requital" • "The Officers' Club" • "A Terrible Beauty"
Misc. novellas & short novels "Horn and Ivory" • "Saturn's Children" • "Seeds of Dissent" • "A Gutted World"
Translations[]
2012
German : Ferenginar: Zufriedenheit wird nicht garantiert, translated by Christian Humberg. (Cross Cult)

External link[]

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