The koon-ut-la is a betrothal ceremony on Vulcan usually performed between two young Vulcans in their seventh year after they have successfully completed the kahs-wan, or test of maturity. (TOS novel: Spock's World) The betrothal is performed by a Vulcan high priestess who joins the minds of the male and female. The bond will be far stronger when the betrothed pair are married some years later. (TOS novel: Spock's World) Once they have reached sexual maturity, their telepathic link will drive the couple to plak-tow, or blood fever, and to sexual consummation of the marriage during the koon-ut-kal-if-fee.
A betrothal ceremony is an occasion of celebration and is attended by family and friends of the betrothed couple and is followed by a banquet and ritual music and dancing. Females are prominent during the ritual.. (TOS novel: Dwellers in the Crucible)
The betrothed couple are often not well acquainted with one another before or after the betrothal ceremony. (ENT episode: "Breaking the Ice", TOS episode: "Amok Time") However, a betrothal ceremony between children usually, but not always, results in a successful marriage when they are adults. The couple is expected to develop a regard for one another with time and growing familiarity. A bonding ceremony, which is recognized as an official marriage, between adults Is also sometimes separate and held before pon farr, or the time of mating. It is customary for the male and female to live together for one year following the ceremony, perhaps to deepen the telepathic bond between the married Vulcan couple prior to pon farr. Vulcans reach legal adulthood before they reach sexual maturity and some betrothed couples choose to complete their bond and live together when they are legal adults, years before pon farr. (ENT episode: "Breaking the Ice", TOS novel: The Vulcan Academy Murders) Many Vulcans have no direct sexual experience before they marry. (TOS novel: Dwellers in the Crucible) Other Vulcans may choose to engage in emotional or sexual relationships with people other than their betrothed mates in the years before they take part in an official marriage ceremony. (VOY episode: "Gravity", TOS episode: "Amok Time", TOS novel: Vulcan's Glory)
An adult male who delays in formalizing the relationship with his betrothed when they reach legal adulthood may be required to pay her family a bride price each month until he is ready to assume his responsibilities towards her. The male rather than the female is required to pay the bride price, based upon his ability to pay, as he is the one considered fortunate to gain a life mate. (TOS novel: Vulcan's Glory) The betrothal may also be broken by the parents of the male if his betrothed delays the marriage ceremony or refuses to follow Vulcan tradition in other ways. Neither the betrothed man or woman need to be consulted in such an instance. (ENT episode: "Breaking the Ice") Betrothals also can fail in other ways. For example, Spock was betrothed to T'Pring when they were children, but their union was severed when T'Pring called for a challenge rather than agreeing to marry Spock at their koon-ut-kal-if-fee. T'Pring wanted to marry Stonn and the challenge was the only legal way for a Vulcan woman to end an unwanted union under those circumstances. (TOS episode: "Amok Time") T'Pol and Koss were betrothed as children and married as adults, but Koss later had their coerced marriage annulled. (ENT episodes: "Breaking the Ice", "Home", "The Forge", "Kir'Shara", "Babel One")
Matchmaking is common on Vulcan and extended family members often assist in finding a suitable bond mate for a young relative. (TOS novel: The Vulcan Academy Murders) A betrothal is traditionally arranged by the parents or extended family of the young male and female when they are children. In the past, such betrothals were often arranged to forge a strategic alliance with a powerful or wealthy family. (TOS novel: Dwellers in the Crucible) When selecting a prospective bond mate for a son or daughter, families still take into account the social status of his or her clan as well as the prospective mate's character, career prospects and physical appearance. (TOS novels: Vulcan's Glory, Dwellers in the Crucible) Some people are betrothed as adults. Sarek arranged a betrothal for his adult son, Spock, and his ward, Saavik, when both were adults. (TOS novel: Vulcan's Heart) Some Vulcans choose to leave their children unbonded and allow them to seek their own bond mates as adults, based on mutual affinity. (TOS novel: The Vulcan Academy Murders)
It is traditional for the girl's uncle or another male relative to perform the role of pele-ut-la, or chaperone, prior to the betrothal ceremony. Spock assumed this role for his young relative Teska prior to her koon-ut-la ceremony. When they meet, the girl addresses him with the words "Pele-ut-la" ("we meet at the appointed time and place"). He replies: "Koon-ut-la" ("possessor of the flame which burns from the time of the beginning, I am your servant"). The male relative and the girl then bow to one another. It is also traditional for the female to eat tono-pak berries every hour during the two days before the betrothal ceremony, as a symbol of the end of her childhood and coming womanhood. (TOS novel: Mind Meld) T'Pau wrote a meditation on the sensations and theories about pon farr which is considered appropriate for young females to read prior to their betrothal ceremonies. (TOS novel: Mind Meld) Certain Vulcan families are more traditional than others and instruct their daughters in ancient classical arts that men may find attractive, such as how to walk gracefully (TOS novel: Vulcan's Glory) and how to braid hair. Some Vulcan girls also are instructed in the ancient tradition of gathering herbs and making tea for the Vulcan masters and in other arts such as playing the ka'athyra. (TOS novel: Dwellers in the Crucible)
Following the betrothal ceremony, the boy and girl are traditionally subject to restrictions on their interactions with the opposite sex. A Vulcan female is traditionally forbidden to touch a male family member except under ritual circumstances. (TOS novel: Dwellers in the Crucible) It is also against custom for a Vulcan man to embrace a woman who is bonded to another man. Sarek was therefore hesitant to dance with the wives of other diplomats during a ball. (TOS novel: The Vulcan Academy Murders) It is considered undignified for a woman to serve a man she is not bonded to. (TOS episode: "Amok Time") However, the wife of a Vulcan man is expected to comply with his wishes, at least in a public setting. (TOS episode: "Journey to Babel", TOS novel: Vulcan's Glory)