Star Trek: The Next Generation: Warped - An Engaging Guide to the Never-Aired 8th Season is a licensed parody book that includes summaries of 26 imaginary episodes from TNG's non-existent 8th season.

Description[edit | edit source]

In the basement of the Star Trek archives, behind shelves of USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D models, bags of wigs, and bins of plastic phasers, sits a dusty cardboard box. Inside is a pile of VHS tapes that contain never-before-seen episodes and behind-the-scenes footage for something truly amazing. The world thinks there are only seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but there's one more. A secret season.
Actually, not really. But that didn't stop Mike McMahan, creator of the parody Twitter account @TNG_S8, from making a guide full of:
REAL* TNG SEASON 8 FACTS AND STORIES!
REAL* TNG SEASON 8 DIALOGUE AND IMAGES!
(* Again, not really, of course. This is humor. Sorry.)

Episodes[edit | edit source]

Crushers Not Included[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-001, pages 1–9, stardate 47995.8
Characters
Beverly CrusherWesley CrusherJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerThe TravelerDeanna Troi
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Borg cones
Races and cultures
BetazoidBorgHumanTraveler
Other references
LuxComfort Ultra Blouse

Lecture Circuits[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-002, pages 10–18, stardate 47999.5
Characters
DataEbraExocomp 77Hover CarHargonLindaJean-Luc PicardPlimpRadWilliam T. RikerChristoph Westlakechatty birchfive-legged alien bear
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Blood Worm Awareness Conference HallEarthRunyan 8Starfleet AcademySerengeti 5 (referenced)
Races and cultures
Andorian war constructandroidExocompHumanmech-zebra
Other references
degenerative facial asymmetry disorderKhitomer MassacreTwo's Company, Three's a Crowdπ Is the Ratio of a Circle's Circumference to Its DiameterYour Mother Hates MeIliad

Suggested Donation of Danger[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-003, pages 19-30, stardate 48015.1
Characters
Strongest BrianSweet ConradBeverly CrusherDataGeordi La ForgeGary MitchellAlyssa OgawaJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerBig ShakespeareGregory St. Beard IIBrave StevenTuk the DestroyerQorpo w'ArkWorfZizz the Destroyer
Referenced only 
Harry KimKahless
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Brodo-5Hall of Amazing MenMarmullian ZacowMuseum of Museum StudiesMuseumtuckyNew MuseumRealistic ForestUniversity of Museum
Referenced only 
Brodo-6Equatorial Food Court IslandFireworks MuseumGreat Barrier Coat RoomGift Shop IslandIcy Parking Lots of the North
Races and cultures
androidHumanKlingon
States and organizations
Klingon High Council

Hair of the Synthadog[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-004, pages 31-44, stardate 48017.3
Characters
Beverly CrusherDataGirtroyGuinanGeordi La ForgeJean-Luc PicardDeanna TroiMzzk queen
Referenced only 
Wesley CrusherDavid KrrgvanimanponWorf
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Romulan patrol ship
Locations
Jessica 8
Referenced only 
Mzzk
Races and cultures
androidBetazoidEl-AurianGirtroy's speciesHumanRomulan
Referenced only 
Pigmalinite
States and organizations
Broheims
Other references
Buffer BusterCardassian SpyCeti eelEdward 40 HandsEugenic WarFlaxian FluGrabarian potatoThe Grouchy BynarParadise SnarePulaski's DrinkQo'noS CoolatARegulan Shuttle BombRisky ManeuverRomulan aleSpin the Bottle of PunchingTribble ManeuverVulcan aleWarp core breach (beverage)Yesterday's Tomorrow Today

I Only Have Mitochondria for You[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-005, pages 45-53, stardate 48022.3
Characters
Beverly CrusherJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. Rikersentient virus
Referenced only 
Geordi La ForgeWorf
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Ten-Forward
Races and cultures
Humansentient virus

Transporter Madness[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-006, pages 54-64, stardate 48035.3
Characters
BeckettWesley CrusherDataJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerRidley RoilandSpotWorf
Referenced only 
Guinan
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
sickbay
Referenced only 
Arrar sectorGamma Quadrant
Races and cultures
androidHumanKlingon
Other references
bufferingd'k tahgtribbleurine sun

Quantum Dolphins[edit | edit source]

QdGeordiData.jpg

Episode 08-007, pages 65-77, stardate 48115.7
Characters
Beverly CrusherWesley CrusherDataGuinanGeordi La ForgePhoJean-Luc PicardWadedolphin judge
Referenced only 
ButternutQWilliam T. RikerThe TravelerDeanna TroiWorf
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
holodeckTen-Forward
Referenced only 
Aquatics bayCetacean ops
Races and cultures
androidEl-AurianHumanPho's speciesquantum dolphin
Referenced only 
BoofGiKwariHoovo
Other references
cocoaGreat Chumming Machinehockeyhorizontal space rainbowquantum wine

Rikerworld[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-008, pages 78-84, stardate 48118.9
Characters
Beverly CrusherWesley CrusherJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerDeanna Troi
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Manly MinesRastogan-12sickbaySwagger Cathedral
Races and cultures
BetazoidHuman
Other references
beardgrassjazzmicroscopic RikerRiker batRiker horse

The Final Sale Frontier[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-009, pages 85-94, stardate 48121.2
Characters
Johann Sebastian Bach (hologram)Wesley CrusherDataEnyonKGeordi La ForgeMiles O'BrienJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerWhitnE
Referenced only 
James T. KirkSpock
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Brittney'sholodeck
Referenced only 
Canyons of TrajdorDeep Space 9Villia
Races and cultures
AndroidHuman
Referenced only 
BorgVulcan
Other references
KolinahrLogic LiceMzzk antnanogoo stir stickThe Savage Curtain (song)yamok sauce

Deadly Cadence[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-010, pages 95-106, stardate 48125.6
Characters
Beverly CrusherDataGla'arGeordi La ForgeJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerDeanna TroiWorfTangorian wasp
Referenced only 
Geoffrey ChaucerG'TrokKar'MarMark Twain
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Luvu
Referenced only 
Qo'noSRisa
Races and cultures
androidBetazoidHumanKlingon
Other references
bat'lethBMWCortack Bloodkut'luchrollerblades

Fertile Ground[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-011, pages 107-118, stardate 48126.9
Characters
AntoinetteBeverly CrusherDataGeordi La ForgeJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. Rikercaterpillar-esque creaturemouse-like alien
Referenced only 
Crystalline EntityJames T. KirkSpotWorf
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
deck 25hydroponics bay
Races and cultures
AndroidAntoinette's speciesHuman
Referenced only 
FerengiGornKlingon
Other references
black holegraviton beamkatanaKhitomer Accordstachyon emitter

White Face Paint and Black Tubing[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-012, pages 119-127, stardate 48128.1
Characters
Wesley CrusherIowa (horse)Geordi La ForgeJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. Riker
Referenced only 
Lore
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Borg cube
Locations
battle bridgeGambier 5Ten-Forwardturbolift
Races and cultures
FerengiHuman
Referenced only 
BorgGambierianVulcan

The Lowest Decks[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-013, pages 129-138, stardate 48128.8
Characters
FranklinGeordi La ForgeLydiaWorf
Referenced only 
DataJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerDeanna Troi
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Referenced only 
Soyuz-class
Locations
Deck 43
Races and cultures
HumanKlingonReman
Referenced only 
RomulanVulcan
Other references
dilithiumholodeck drainage pipejudoorganic laser disposalsewage reclamation pumptransporter lint bin

Terror-forming[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-014, pages 139-147, stardate 48136.3
Characters
Wesley CrusherDataGeordi La ForgeJean-Luc PicardWilliam T. RikerWillisWorfZachary (dolphin)
Starships and vehicles
USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Hupyria (planet)Naldoar Prime
Races and cultures
androidHumanHupyrianKlingonquantum dolphin
Referenced only 
Ferengi
Other references
beetle shackGenesis Device

Barclay's Day[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-015

Predators[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-016

Icy Hot[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-017

Hippocratic Style[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-018

Tashayarasha Tyar[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-019

Son of a Mogh[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-020

Time Fire[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-021

Controlled Burn[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-022

Pointed Threats[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-023

The Fun Enterprise[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-024

The Atrocious Mr. Quispy Bumpers[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-025

Werewolf-Wolf[edit | edit source]

Episode 08-026

Appendices[edit | edit source]

Images[edit | edit source]

External link[edit | edit source]

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