Star Trek: The Next Generation: Warped

TNG season 8 redirects here. For a list of actual TNG seasons, see Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Star Trek: The Next Generation: Warped - An Engaging Guide to the Never-Aired 8th Season is a licensed parody book that includes summaries of 26 imaginary episodes from TNG's non-existent 8th season.

Description[]

In the basement of the Star Trek archives, behind shelves of USS Enterprise NCC-1701-D models, bags of wigs, and bins of plastic phasers, sits a dusty cardboard box. Inside is a pile of VHS tapes that contain never-before-seen episodes and behind-the-scenes footage for something truly amazing. The world thinks there are only seven seasons of Star Trek: The Next Generation, but there's one more. A secret season.

Actually, not really. But that didn't stop Mike McMahan, creator of the parody Twitter account @TNG_S8, from making a guide full of:

REAL* TNG SEASON 8 FACTS AND STORIES!

REAL* TNG SEASON 8 DIALOGUE AND IMAGES!

(* Again, not really, of course. This is humor. Sorry.)

Episodes[]

Crushers Not Included[]

Episode 08-001, pages 1–9, stardate 47995.8: Wesley Crusher and the Traveler are captured by the Borg and used as batteries. The encounter with the Borg causes a malfunction with the Enterprise power systems, and William T. Riker's blouse malfunctions.
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Captain Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • The Traveler • Counselor Deanna Troi
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class explorer) (bridge • sickbay) • Borg cones
Races and cultures: Betazoid • Borg • Human • Traveler
Other references: asteroid • blouse • cherry • chocolate chip • energy • headache • ice cream • ice cream sundae • LuxComfort Ultra Blouse • meditation • mint chocolate chip ice cream • red alert • rocky road ice cream • sensor • space • starship factory • sugar cone • waffle cone • waffle cone sundae • yoga
Background: Interpreting this chapter's stardate using the basic rubric provided in the Star Trek Chronology places this story late in the year 2370.

Lecture Circuits[]

Episode 08-002, pages 10–18, stardate 47999.5
Characters: Data • Ebra • Exocomp 77 • Hover Car • Hargon • Linda • Jean-Luc Picard • Plimp • Rad • William T. Riker • Christoph Westlake • chatty birch • five-legged alien bear
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class explorer)
Locations: Blood Worm Awareness Conference Hall • Earth • Runyan 8 • Starfleet Academy • Serengeti 5 (referenced)
Races and cultures: Andorian war construct • android • Exocomp • Human • mech-zebra
Other references: degenerative facial asymmetry disorder • Khitomer Massacre • Two's Company, Three's a Crowd • π Is the Ratio of a Circle's Circumference to Its Diameter • Your Mother Hates Me • Iliad

Suggested Donation of Danger[]

Episode 08-003, pages 19-30, stardate 48015.1
Characters: Strongest Brian • Sweet Conrad • Beverly Crusher • Data • Geordi La Forge • Gary Mitchell • Alyssa Ogawa • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Big Shakespeare • Gregory St. Beard II • Brave Steven • Tuk the Destroyer • Qorpo w'Ark • Worf • Zizz the Destroyer
Referenced only: Harry Kim • Kahless
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class explorer)
Locations: Brodo-5 • Hall of Amazing Men • Marmullian Zacow • Museum of Museum Studies • Museumtucky • New Museum • Realistic Forest • University of Museum
Referenced only: Brodo-6 • Equatorial Food Court Island • Fireworks Museum • Great Barrier Coat Room • Gift Shop Island • Icy Parking Lots of the North
Races and cultures: android • Human • Klingon
States and organizations: Klingon High Council
Other references: museum

Hair of the Synthadog[]

Episode 08-004, pages 31-44, stardate 48017.3
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Data • Girtroy • Guinan • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • Deanna Troi • Mzzk queen
Referenced only: Wesley Crusher • David Krrgvanimanpon • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Romulan patrol ship
Locations: Jessica 8 • Jessica system
Referenced only: Mzzk
Races and cultures: android • Betazoid • El-Aurian • Girtroy's species • Human • Romulan
Referenced only: Pigmalinite
States and organizations: Broheims
Other references: Buffer Buster • Cardassian Spy • Ceti eel • Dirt beer • Edward 40 Hands • Eugenic War • Flaxian Flu • Grabarian potato • The Grouchy Bynar • moon • Mzzk ant • Paradise Snare • Pulaski's Drink • Qo'noS CoolatA • Regulan Shuttle Bomb • Risky Maneuver • Romulan ale • sandwich • Spin the Bottle of Punching • Tribble Maneuver • Vulcan ale • Warp core breach (beverage) • Yesterday's Tomorrow Today

I Only Have Mitochondria for You[]

Episode 08-005, pages 45-53, stardate 48022.3
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • sentient virus
Referenced only: Geordi La Forge • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Ten-Forward
Races and cultures: Human • sentient virus

Transporter Madness[]

Episode 08-006, pages 54-64, stardate 48035.3
Characters: Beckett • Wesley Crusher • Data • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Ridley Roiland • Spot • Worf
Referenced only: Guinan
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: sickbay
Referenced only: Arrar sector • Gamma Quadrant
Races and cultures: android • Human • Klingon
Other references: buffering • d'k tahg • tribble • urine sun

Quantum Dolphins[]

Episode 08-007, pages 65-77, stardate 48115.7
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Data • Guinan • Geordi La Forge • Pho • Jean-Luc Picard • Wade • dolphin judge
Referenced only: Butternut • Q • William T. Riker • The Traveler • Deanna Troi • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: holodeck • Ten-Forward
Referenced only: Aquatics bay • Cetacean ops
Races and cultures: android • El-Aurian • Human • Pho's species • quantum dolphin
Referenced only: Boof • GiKwari • Hoovo
Other references: cocoa • Great Chumming Machine • hockey • horizontal space rainbow • quantum wine

Rikerworld[]

Episode 08-008, pages 78-84, stardate 48118.9
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Deanna Troi
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Manly Mines • Rastogan-12 • sickbay • Swagger Cathedral
Races and cultures: Betazoid • Human
Other references: beardgrass • jazz • microscopic Riker • Riker bat • Riker horse

The Final Sale Frontier[]

Episode 08-009, pages 85-94, stardate 48121.2
Characters: Johann Sebastian Bach (hologram) • Wesley Crusher • Data • EnyonK • Geordi La Forge • Miles O'Brien • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • WhitnE
Referenced only: James T. Kirk • Spock
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Brittney's • holodeck
Referenced only: Canyons of Trajdor • Deep Space 9 • Villia
Races and cultures: android • Human
Referenced only: Borg • Vulcan
Other references: Kolinahr • Logic Lice • Mzzk ant • nanogoo stir stick • The Savage Curtain (song) • yamok sauce

Deadly Cadence[]

Episode 08-010, pages 95-106, stardate 48125.6
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Data • Gla'ar • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Deanna Troi • Worf • Tangorian wasp
Referenced only: Geoffrey Chaucer • G'Trok • Kar'Mar • Mark Twain
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class explorer)
Locations: Luvu
Referenced only: Qo'noS • Risa
Races and cultures: android • Betazoid • Human • Klingon
Other references: bat'leth • BMW • Cortack Blood • kut'luch • rollerblades

Fertile Ground[]

Episode 08-011, pages 107-118, stardate 48126.9
Characters: Antoinette • Beverly Crusher • Data • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • caterpillar-esque creature • mouse-like alien
Referenced only: Crystalline Entity • James T. Kirk • Spot • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: deck 25 • hydroponics bay
Races and cultures: android • Antoinette's species • Human
Referenced only: Ferengi • Gorn • Klingon
Other references: black hole • graviton beam • katana • Khitomer Accords • tachyon emitter

White Face Paint and Black Tubing[]

Episode 08-012, pages 119-127, stardate 48128.1
Characters: Wesley Crusher • Iowa (horse) • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker
Referenced only: Lore
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Borg cube
Locations: battle bridge • Gambier 5 • Ten-Forward • turbolift
Races and cultures: Ferengi • Human
Referenced only: Borg • Gambierian • Vulcan

The Lowest Decks[]

Episode 08-013, pages 129-138, stardate 48128.8
Characters: Franklin • Geordi La Forge • Lydia • Worf
Referenced only: Data • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Deanna Troi
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Referenced only: Soyuz-class
Locations: Deck 43
Races and cultures: Human • Klingon • Reman
Referenced only: Romulan • Vulcan
Other references: dilithium • holodeck drainage pipe • judo • organic laser disposal • sewage reclamation pump • transporter lint bin

Terror-forming[]

Episode 08-014, pages 139-147, stardate 48136.3
Characters: Wesley Crusher • Data • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William T. Riker • Willis • Worf • Zachary (dolphin)
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Hupyria (planet) • Naldoar Prime
Races and cultures: android • Human • Hupyrian • Klingon • quantum dolphin
Referenced only: Ferengi
Other references: beetle shack • Genesis Device

Barclay's Day[]

Episode 08-015, pages 148-159, stardate 48137.1
Characters: Reginald Barclay • California Steve • Jean-Luc Picard • Q • baby space snakes
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: bridge • holodeck
Races and cultures: Human • Q (species)
Other references: environmental suit • Gazorpazorpian caterpillar • holodeck arch • replicator • sauna • shield emitter • turbolift

Predators[]

Episode 08-016, pages 160-166, stardate 48138.4
Characters: Wesley Crusher • Data • Homn • Jean-Luc Picard • William Riker • Deanna Troi • Lwaxana Troi • VelociRiker • Worf
Referenced only: Odo
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: bridge • Ten-Forward
Referenced only: Deep Space 9
Races and cultures: android • Betazoid • Human • Klingon • velociraptor
Referenced only: Ferengi
Other references: Tavnian buzzard • tennis

Icy Hot[]

Episode 08-017, pages 167-175, stardate 48139.6
Characters: Wesley Crusher • Data • Fargon • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William Riker • Vick
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Porp • bridge
Races and cultures: android • Human • ice alien • Klingon
Other references: antiproton beam • distortion wave • gravitic sensor net • Lower Decks Challenge • metaphasic sweep • Mok'bara • quantum beacon • sensor echo • Suicide (beverage) • tachyon detection grid • tetryon

Hippocratic Style[]

Episode 08-018, pages 176-184, stardate 48139.9
Characters: Chezzer • Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Data • Gorlip • Korpo • Kupow Triplets • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • Worf • Laaperian hawk
Referenced only: Brooke
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Marmi • Ten-Forward
Races and cultures: Aaamazzarite • android • Bolian • Human • Klingon • Laaperian hawk • Marmian • Orion
Referenced only: Ferengi
Other references: bat'leth • dilithium • Hippocratic Style • positronic brain • Silver Spoon syndicate • VISOR

Tashayarasha Tyar[]

Episode 08-019, pages 187-196, stardate 48140.2
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Data • Picariketroi LaCrusher • Geordi La Forge • Jean-Luc Picard • William Riker • Deanna Troi • Worf • Tashayarasha Tyar • Tasha Yar
Referenced only: Tuvix
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations
Referenced only: Nervala IV • Vagra II
Races and cultures: android • Betazoid • Human • Klingon

Son of a Mogh[]

Episode 08-020, pages 197-205, stardate 48155.7
Characters: Angelikar Cavallo • Wesley Crusher • Data • Jean-Luc Picard • Worf • cyber crabs
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Ten-Forward
Races and cultures: android • Human • Klingon
Other references: dog • Pon farr • "Worfing"

Time Fire[]

NEWanderthal — Picard versus Newanderthals.

Episode 08-021, pages 206-215, stardate 48156.3
Characters: Cleopatra • Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Neanderthal Hitler • Jean-Luc Picard • Q • William G. Riker
Referenced only: sentient cave • Data • robo-Neanderthal JFK • Geordi La Forge • Deanna Troi • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • Enterprise-Z
Locations: Bartek-8 • Caldos II • France • White House
Races and cultures: Human • Neanderthal • Q (species)
Referenced only: Borg
Other references: anti-cave pants • Internet • Mom pants • shotgun • time paradox

Controlled Burn[]

Episode 08-022, pages 216-224, stardate 48158.5
Characters: Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Data • Guinan • Geordi La Forge • William Riker • Vick • Worf • Marvistan emperor
Locations: Marvista • Ten-Forward
Races and cultures: android • Borg • El-Aurian • Human • Klingon • Marvistan
Other references: amphora vase • VISOR

Pointed Threats[]

Episode 08-023, pages 225-235, stardate 48158.7
Characters: Brotney • Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Data • Gagliar • Geordi La Forge • Vok • Worf
Referenced only: Reginald Barclay • T'Kik • Tasha Yar
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Museum of Famous Swords • Sector 25712 • sickbay • Zindo
Referenced only: Qo'noS • Siblee sector
Races and cultures: android • Brotney's species • Human • Klingon
Other references: checkers • cocoon • The Danger Knife • The Demon Blade • d'k tahg • Garvdo's Revenge • House of Dink • katana • lirpa • Old Double Hilt • The Pleban • Parrises squares • Prime Directive • The Singing Sword • SnaptroS • Strife • warlarK

The Fun Enterprise[]

Episode 08-024, pages 236-246, stardate 48159.3
Characters: Reginald Barclay • B'Etor • Beverly Crusher • Data • Donk • Jerry Feldman • Geordi La Forge • Lursa • Jean-Luc Picard • William Riker • Worf
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class) • fun Enterprise
Locations: Qo'noS • Ten-Forward
Races and cultures: android • Human • Klingon
Other references: arcade machine • bat'leth • cigarette • "Consuming Living Prey" • cotton candy • Great Klingon Challenges • grishnar • jarzo • House of Duras • House of Martok • particle stick • shark tank • silly string • targ • YMCA

The Atrocious Mr. Quispy Bumpers[]

Episode 08-025, pages 247-258, stardate 48162.7
Characters: Quispy Bumpers • Beverly Crusher • Wesley Crusher • Nate • William Riker
Starships and vehicles: USS Enterprise-D (Galaxy-class)
Locations: Eternal Love Nest • Laap Ri
Races and cultures: Human • quantum dolphin • Quispy Bumpers' species
Other references: bird tobacco dip