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MarcusSLazarus

  • I live in Edinburgh
  • I was born on August 10
  • I am Male

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Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! -- Captainmike (Talk) 11:27, 2010 April 1

HelloEdit

Hi Marcus. Thanks for all your contributions.

I was wondering if you could help with a problem with Lawrence Styles.

Your newest additions don't make sense to me as an English reader. I was wondering if you could read over the entire Talin Iv subsection you've been adding to, and simplify the sentences. The way you've written it right now, there are a lot of pronouns, dependent clauses, and a bunch of other things that make it very hard to read and understand what you've written. Try breaking the passage down into sentences that have an uncomplicated noun subject and then an uncomplicated verb predicate, and cut down on the connections between these phrases, and also the number of descriptive adjectives and adverbs. Don't drop unconnected thoughts into the middle of other clauses. This way, other people who read English will be able to understand what you are trying to say. -- Captain MKB 17:44, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

I'm also going to ask you take the same kind of approach I just suggested to the 0 article -- I just tried to read your additions and found that the bulk of what you've written isn't entirely intelligible. -- Captain MKB 17:48, February 24, 2011 (UTC)
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